MEDITATION FOR YOU – Tomislav Ivančić

I EXIST

(Self-recognition)

I am here. Me – it is my body, my feelings, my thoughts, my desires. Me – that is my past, my present, my future. These are my fears, my freedom, my conscience, my joys, my plans. Me – it’s the environment in which I live, parents, friends, professors, children, colleagues at work, relatives. It’s the air I breathe, the food I eat. I am not the body, I am not the soul, I am not what my desires are. And yet it’s all mine.

I become aware: I have a head, a body, legs and arms. I look, I feel – I am aware of my hair. My forehead is here. It’s full of wrinkles, when I’m worried. It’s smooth when I’m calm and peaceful.

I have eyes, my eyes.  They are different from others people’s eyes.

Others recognize me by them. With my eyes I see colors, people, people’s reactions, nature, flowers, and stars. The blind see nothing. I have my own eyes. My nose is different from others. My lips have a certain shape, appearance. With them I express a myriad of emotions. My ears are of a special shape. With them, I hear beautiful sounds, with them; I have to listen to curses, reprimands, and lies. I love my ears, my eyes, my mouth. And my beard has a special shape.

My neck looks like … My shoulders have a shape … My hands; they do things and speak with gestures. My fingers are like… My intestine is working flawlessly or else it is damaged, sick. Anyway, it’s mine. This is what life intended for me. My legs carry my whole body. They are like… I move my foot; I find that I have control over my legs. I move my toes, then my hands. It’s all mine. No one else can do it, only me. These are my legs, my fingers. They are only mine. My body is entwined with veins. They connect all parts of the body. They transport food to the body. They are constantly busy so that I can live on earth. Nerves transmit reactions to every part of the body. Through them I transfer my desires to the body. That’s how I live and act through them. My gut is trying hard to make the whole organism work.

All this was created for me. Just for me. I am truly important. Everything was created for me, not for someone else, but for me because I reside in my body,   not someone else.

I am not mankind, I am not human history, I am not my parents and professors, I am not my friends, but I am “me”. Miraculously, I am alive. My heart is working. I walk, I talk, I think.

The language I use tries to convey my feelings, thoughts, and desires to the environment. I communicate with others by speaking a language. I watch what I want. I listen to what and how I want and can. I feel with my fingers what I want. I smell what I want and what I like, what appeals to me. Others may prefer one thing or the other, but I prefer this. I am a special being, I am special man. I exist.